Prophet(Peace Be Upon Him) was the last to leave a conversation:
The Prophet PBUH never broke a heart in his life time, and he was tolerant when having a conversation with someone till the other person left first satisfied and till he had got all his problems solved, and this is a Prophetic tolerance. I repeat saying the following: The Powerful people own the necks and the Prophets own the hearts, and there is a big difference between the two.
He never let down any person with a need:
It was hard for the Prophet PBUH to say “No” to anyone who needed
help, he never let down any one in need. and that’s how every believer
should be when he can’t help the person in need, in that case, he should
say nice words instead like “sorry”, “don’t blame my helplessness”, and
“I wish I could be of much help”, these kind of answers mend the heart
of the person in need even though you couldn’t help him.This is a critical issue, those who are close to Allah are the subject of people’s needs, and that is out of Allah’s love to them and it is an indication of their high position in the sight of Allah. While the minute Allah rejects someone, He makes people break away from him unlike the beloved person.
A brother I know, who performs lot of good deeds, told me that he received more than 50 phone calls in two hours all of which were asking him to solve their problems, and I said to him: May Allah bless you. Your motto should be “If Allah loves someone, He makes him the subject of needy people”, and Allah makes those as keys to the good, out of honoring them, unlike those who earn Allah’s wrath, as Allah makes them keys to evil.
He was large-hearted towards everyone:
If Allah wants to exalt someone, He makes him large-hearted towards
people, like a father to them who treats them alike. But the selfish
person lacks tolerance, he is self-centered, incomprehensive and can’t
stand people.The Prophet PBUH was large-hearted towards people and was like a father to his companions.
The lower descended level one goes, the fewer people he gets along with, and we should remember that partisanship indicates ignorance and distance from Allah. The more exalted one is, the larger heart he has that is able to embrace all people.
Our Master Hatib Bin Abi Balta’a committed the high treason, to which Omar’s response was severe, as he couldn’t tolerate his act:
Narrated ‘Ali, May Allah be pleased with him:
Allah’s Messenger sent me, with Abu Marthad and
Az-Zubair, and all of us were riding horses, and said, “Go till you
reach Raudat-Khakh where there is a pagan woman carrying a letter from
Hatib bin Abi Balta’ a to the pagans of Mecca.” So we found her riding
her camel at the place which Allah’s Messenger had mentioned. We said
(to her),”(Give us) the letter.” She said, “I have no letter.” Then we
made her camel kneel down and we searched her, but we found no letter.
Then we said, “Allah’s Messenger had not told us a lie, certainly. Take
out the letter, otherwise we will strip you naked.” When she saw that we
were determined, she put her hand below her waist belt, for she had
tied her cloak round her waist, and she took out the letter, and we
brought her to Allah’s Messenger. Then ‘Umar said, “O Allah’s Messenger !
(This Hatib) has betrayed Allah, His Messenger and the believers! Let
me cut off his neck!” The Prophet asked Hatib, “What made you do this?”
Hatib said, “By Allah, I did not intend to give up my belief in Allah
and His Messenger but I wanted to have some influence among the (Mecca)
people so that through it, Allah might protect my family and property.
There is none of your companions but has some of his relatives there
through whom Allah protects his family and property.” The Prophet said,
“He has spoken the truth; do no say to him but good.” ‘Umar said, “He as
betrayed Allah, His Messenger and the faithful believers. Let me cut
off his neck!” The Prophet said, “Is he not one of the Badr warriors?
May be Allah looked at the Badr warriors and said, ‘Do whatever you
like, as I have granted Paradise to you, or said, ‘I have forgiven
you.”‘ On this, tears came out of Umar’s eyes, and he said, “Allah and
His Messenger know better.”
[Bukhari]
The Prophet’s heart was big enough to tolerate any person, and we
should be the same, and if you couldn’t tolerate others, then you are
not cut out to guide them to Allah, and if you were narrow minded, then
you are not cut out to be the gate through which people reach Allah. You
should remember that the person in need is hasty, blind, he might be
young or old, and he might be in pain or ill, for that the prophet PBUH
said:
You won’t embrace people with your money so embrace them with your manners
When you don’t have money, then use your manners to embrace people,
and in that case, your smile, your delightful face, your warm welcome,
and your help to your fellow brother will be Sadaqa (good deed), unlike
when you deal only with the rich and powerful people. Prophet Lut PBUH
was mentioned in the Noble Quran saying:
(These (the girls of the nation) are my daughters (to marry lawfully), if you must act (so))
[Al Hijr, 71]
There is a reasonable explanation for this Ayah: Prophets are like
fathers among their followers, hence, all women in Lut’s people were as
daughters to our Master Lut PBUH, and he who has a big heart won’t treat
other’s daughter with less attention than he will treat his own.When you help your brother in his hardship, you will feel a burden removed off your shoulder.
You should see other’s problems as your own, problems like looking for a house or a job. I offered a rich man once an advice, when he expressed to me his intentions to sell his factory, because he got enough money and he doesn’t need work’s problems any more, I said: keeping your factory open even if it wasn’t bringing enough money, and helping in ensuring the sustenance of 80 families of the workers in that factory, could be your great deed in Allah’s Sight.
His assembly was of high knowledge, manners and tolerance:
Lot of unbelievable laughing, bad jokes, rough prank, referring to
women, and mentioning private parts, all of which happen in some
assemblies, but in comparison, look at the Prophet’s assembly PBUH, it
was an assembly of knowledge, humbleness, modesty, and tolerance. It was
just like food for thoughts where his companions respected the elder
and acknowledged the young’s rights.Once, the Prophet PBUH asked a child, who was sitting next to him, his permission to let him give something to another person before him, but the child said: By Allah, I will never give my right to anyone. This child knew that he had the right of attending before the others in this assembly; hence, we shouldn’t ask children to sit in back rows.
Therefore, the Prophet’s assemblies meant to be for knowledge, humbleness, and trustfulness, not to mention, that there wasn’t any shouting, lying, noises, bad mouthing, cheap joking, or scandals’ mentioning before the Prophet PBUH, as he would never let that happen due to his shyness.
The Prophet PBUH used to say:
Don’t abash people (till their faces turn red).
If he wanted to address some one who committed a mistake, he used to
say: Why do some people do such and such?. We should learn how to advice
people, so you shouldn’t abash someone and confront him, instead, talk
in general, or draw examples and mention the mistake without naming him,
and by this you avoid bashing and turning anyone’s face red.
He was cheerful, easygoing, and not rude nor criticizer:
Dear brothers, you may befriend someone for forty or fifty years
without hearing any bad word from him or a bad joke or any mentioning of
a private part, whereas, you might meet another one fifteen minutes ago
and all his words are bad and he says very dirty jokes, there is a big
difference between the two cases:
Usama-Ibnu-Zaid narrated when the Prophet PBUH asked
him about what he did with the Kobtya (a thin dress), Usama said that
he gave it to his wife to wear. Upon this the Prophet PBUH said: tell
her to wear some lining underneath the Kobtya, for I fear that her
curves may otherwise still be seen.
[Ahmad]
The Prophet PBUH wasn’t rude or boorish, why? Because this is a Divine law, Allah the Almighty says:
(And by the Mercy of Allah, you dealt with them gently)
[Al Imran, 159]
Because of the mercy in your heart (Muhammad PBUH) which is the
outcome of your connection with Allah, you dealt with them gently, that
means, being lenient is a requirement for being merciful, and if not for
that mercy in your heart…
(And had you been severe and harsh-hearted, they would have broken away from about you)
[Al Imran, 159]
The closer to Allah you are, the more merciful you will be, and
people will surround you (out of their love for you), and the more
distance from Allah you are, the harsher you will be, and your heart
will turn into a stone with no mercy in it.There are some people whose voices are very loud in public and with very bad mouth, unlike the way the Prophet PBUH was, as he used to speak with a low voice, never badmouthed anyone and never criticized food, while you see nowadays people who criticize anything, either the food, the house, or the car they ride, nothing is good enough for such people, unlike the Prophetic manners. The Prophet PBUH said:
If I am invited to a meal consisting of a sheep’s
foot or shoulder, I would respond and I would accept as a gift a
shoulder or a foot of a sheep.
[Al-Bukhari]
He used to respond to an invitation even if it was over a shoulder of a sheep.Some people praise you till your face turns red, which is considered an unacceptable exaggeration, as this kind of acts (praising someone with attributes that he doesn’t have) will affect your image, yet, we should learn from the Prophet PBUH, who never over praised anyone and he used to overlook the food that he didn’t like to avoid criticizing it. If you find a hair in your plate, throw it away without giving any comments. We should remember as well that the prophet PBUH used to overlook any thing he didn’t like in food, he wasn’t rude, rough, blamer, criticizer, commender, nor was he much of jocular, as he was moderate in his pranks, just like salt, if you put too much in food it will spoil it.
He shied away from dispute, arguments, or minding other’s business:
We should follow the Prophet’s steps and manners.Sometimes people repeat the same issue over and over, though you get it from the first time, and this is an annoying and boring manner. The Prophet PBUH, in that respect, shied away from dispute, argument, overacting, and he minded his own business.
Listen to this funny story about a student who studied Philosophy in one of the most important universities in the world, as he was sharing his father and mother dinner, where two chickens were on the table, he said to his shrewd father: I can convince you that what we have on the table are three chickens though they are two, only by a profound evidence, to which the father answered: “Yes of course, I will eat the first chicken, your mother will eat the second, and we will leave you the third”. Well, this is a dialectical argument that leads no where.
Consider the embarrassment you cause to the employee when you ask him how much his salary is, or when you ask someone (who might just has a fight with his wife and is heading to a restaurant to eat) where is he going, well, mind your own business.
The Prophet PBUH had never wronged, criticized, or tracked down others’ shortcomings. He tackled only what is beneficial to others, and his listeners used to lower down their heads out of his loftiness, as if there were birds standing on them, and when he went silent, they started talking. Nowadays, others sometimes interrupt you hundred times while you are speaking.
I was visited once by a man who stayed for two hours and kept talking all the time without letting me say a word, and then he asked my permission to leave so I let him.
The companions used to speak after the Prophet PBUH went silent, they never argued in his presence, nor did they quarrel in front of him, and one of them used to stop talking though his opponent was in front of him, and that was out their belief that if you wronged your brother in front of a third party (the Prophet PBUH in this case) then you are humiliating the latter.
The companions used to listen to any one who talked in the presence of the Prophet PBUH who also used to laugh at what made his companions laugh, as a kind of participation. A joke might make the attendants of a meeting laugh at, so if you don’t laugh, you will be letting them down, so, out of courtesy, it is ok to laugh at what makes them laugh and wonder about what makes them wonder.
He was tolerant towards stranger’s avoidance:
A stranger might sometimes talk harshly, or may grab you from your
hand, that is possible to happen, in this case you should be tolerant
exactly like our Prophet PBUH whom was grabbed from his garment by a
Bedouin to the point that it caused a graze on his noble cheek, in
return, the Prophet PBUH smiled only:It was narrated by Anas Bin Malek, he said:
Once a Bedouin came to him (i.e., the Prophet) and
roughly grabbed his garment (a Najranee cloth) to the point that it
caused a graze and said: “O Muhammad! Give instructions so that I would
get some of the wealth of Allah that you have with you (in the Muslim
treasury).” All that the Prophet did was smile and then he commanded the
person in charge (of the treasury) to confer him from the reserve.
[Bukhari]
The Prophet PBUH used to say:
If you run into a need seeker, you should aid him
He never accepted compliments but from those close to him:
You shouldn’t accept a compliment from anyone, as this person could
be a silly fellow who shoots from the hip, but the person, whose
compliment is accepted, should be close to you, and in this case his
compliment is called “tribute”, whereas in the first case it is called
“disdain”.
He never interrupted his speaker:
The Prophet PBUH never interrupted his speaker whoever he was, and as
a matter of fact, most speakers are good conversationalist, but only
few are good listeners and the latter condition indicates a good manner.The Prophet’s silent PBUH was in four conditions, either he went silent out of tolerance (if his speaker was harsh), out of caution (as he who speaks a lot, wrongs a lot), out of projection (while trying to consider a situation for example), or out of reflection. The Prophet PBUH was gifted with tolerance and endurance, as nothing could ever get him angry or could provoke him, hence, he was like a lofty deep-rooted mountain, while you may see a person like a boat that could be capsized by any wave, so either you are like a big ship in the sea, no one can provoke you or get you angry, or like a small boat, and a small creature who is able to be provoked by anything or anybody.
The Prophet PBUH used to hold on to good manners so people will follow him, and he used to leave bad manners so people won’t acquire them.
The Prophet PBUH combined the goodness of this worldly life and that of the hereafter, and he guided his companions to the benefit of this life, to good deeds, to righteousness, and to the goodness of the hereafter.
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